Push

My Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's yesterday.  WHAM...I was broadsided with the reminder that the circle of life continues, no matter how much we wish people wouldn't age.  Alzheimer's is an incredibly amazing disease, seemingly wiping the brain clean as it progresses.  I have a very special bond with this spunky woman, and admire her life, her spirit, and hope someday to accomplish a fraction of what she has done. 

I am only the second generation of American born children on this side of my family.  Mary came here at 16 from Czechoslovakia, once telling me she spoke more German than Slovak due to WWII.  My seemingly fearless Grandma raised 5 children on a dairy farm in rural NE Ohio, and is well known in the community for her baking and cooking skills.  I sat last night, tearful and afraid of this disease that has once again entered my life. 

I can hear her scolding me to get out my rosary and do something about it.  The best gift she ever gave me was unintentional, and she led by example.  No matter what happened, her faith has always been unwavering.  I was distracting myself today on Facebook when my page refreshed and a photo posted said PUSH: Pray until something happens.  Lesson reminded.  Nothing a little faith can't help.

Belief

Losing a friend 3 weeks ago really has taken a toll. I've avoided, grieved, ignored, cried, laughed, gazed, cleaned, sat, read, slept, gardened and fought with writer's block since. Nothing like a little pain in the heart to disrupt any routine. More not-so-great news today, a few tears, some old frustrations, a chat with a friend who has been there for over 20 years, and more prayers than I've said in the past decade combined. Why is it when we were kids we would dance in the rain, but as adults we huddle and wait out the storm? I am determined to put on my dancing shoes again. I believe I'll start with a list.

I believe.

I believe that everything matters.

I believe that it’s okay to want to be a kid again.

I believe that I'll always by my daddy's little girl and my mama's baby of the family.

I believe that my mom was my life's greatest teacher. She’s wonder woman.

I believe that my dad is the smartest, strongest, most amazing man that I will ever know. He's my super hero.

I believe my sister will always be my first best friend.

I believe in splashing in puddles, barefoot. In the rain.

I believe in Southern grit, and sweet tea as a cure-all.

I believe that we were all put on this Earth for a reason – even if that reason takes a lifetime to discover.

I believe in forever love.

I believe in quality over quantity.

I believe that wine is therapeutic when shared with your best friend.

I believe in the kind of friendship that allows you to cry together, snort with laughter and sometimes just sit with quiet understanding.

I believe that meditation on a Harley time behind the lens of a camera is better than time with a shrink.

I believe in grace even though at times I have none.

I believe in the power of faith.

I believe that sunrise and sunset can renew the soul.

I believe in respect and dignity – you get what you give.

I believe that some things can't be taken back.

I believe that forgiveness is a gift, but not an approval of what was.

I believe in understanding, and the knowledge that this too shall pass.

I believe in miracles.

I believe in angels disguised as animals.

I believe in laughter, creativity, old movies, blues and 1940's music.

I believe in Doc Martens, harness boots, trail shoes and bare feet.

I believe in running trails, riding bareback and mountain hiking.

I believe in dirty jeeps, muddy boots, bandanas, ripped jeans and campfires.

I believe in mother nature.

I believe we are never lost, just wandering and forgetting to enjoy the view.

I believe in the power of being an individual. Of being me.

I believe.