Addie

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.  ~Unknown

Self-pity. Loss. How to cope when the heart feels like it's been gouged out? Tearful remembrances, memories, click through my brain like a slideshow.  For a woman in my 30's I have truly been lucky to have loved and not known much loss.  But when it looms like the shadow of an eclipse, I feel overwhelmed and find the tears just don't stop.  I have been fortunate to learn that to love, and be loved in return is a great gift.

Two golden brown eyes and a heart of gold met mine.  I can't say it was love at first sight, more a sense of a kindred spirit...a bond of understanding.  I was barely 20 years old, and determined to get a forever love.  But it wasn't diamonds I was searching for....I wanted a dog.  My old girl at the time "Do" (nicknamed so because she didn't DO anything) was in her teens, and though I had picked her out and brought her home in my pre-teens, she had adopted my mom.  I wanted a friend to run with.  A big dog...because they always seem to be in need of homes.

So I found myself at the Orlando SPCA, making the circuit of kennels, wondering how I could choose just ONE when so many needed homes.  At first I walked right by her kennel, because there was a little yappy dog that was non-stop motion and sound.  On my way back through, I paused and wondered about this little yapper (did it EVER sit still??) when I looked underneath of the commotion.  There she was...laying down, seemingly wondering the same as I about her roommate.  Per my request, she was brought into the visiting area.

She was shy, terribly so.  But heart recognized heart, and I fell in love with her giant shepherd ears.  The breed, as a puppy, is comically disproportionate with giant paws and ears to match.  At 6 months of age, this golden beauty had fairly dainty paws but she was Yoda-esque in regard to her ears.  I finished my allotted time, and drove home - alone - (sigh) to ask my parents again if I could adopt.  I went back twice more to see her, because the adoption process took longer than I hoped.  I signed everything, but was informed that she was required to undergo her spay operation before I brought her home. 

When the big day arrived, I had purchased a new leash and collar set, matching bowls and the assorted goodies she might need or want.  She was unsteady coming out to the car, and then outright refused to get into the back seat - to my horror she attempted to jump out (not conducive to fresh incisions).  She was nearly half my size at fifty pounds, but I hefted her into the front seat and buckled her in.  The family laughed at her ears when she arrived home, and I finally wondered to my mom if she would ever grow into them.  She did.  (At least to mommy).

Nearly 13 years ago she joined my family as a young pup with an air of grace, a zest for pulling my future husband on his roller blades simply because nobody could run that fast, and was a true connoisseur of cheese: she knew Kraft vs generic, and had a penchant for brie.  Loyal and loving, she seemed to smile with contentment and licked the glass doors as she wagged her tail to see her family.  Even after destroying weather stripping, drywall, trim, doorknobs, light switches and repeat attempts at concrete block.  I swear she had titanium teeth and jaws like a bear trap.

She had a definite separation anxiety, and was an everyday risk for my mom if she stopped abruptly.  She'd end up with a snout in odd and uncomfortable places at times, but never once have I heard a complaint from either lady.  Our family has been blessed by one of the most unconditional loves that can be shared.  The self-appointed matriarch of our little Florida clan has been the model of grace, and has watched over our growing family for 13 wonderful years.  You are loved, my Addie German Shepherd Girl.  And you will be missed.

Baby steps, lists, and effort...oh my! :D

I am usually my worst critic, and often times the person standing in my own way.  How on earth can a person stay on track with a good frame of mind?  Series of little steps, planning and using time wisely...in fact, I'll just post my list.  Have I mentioned how I love lists?  Read & get going!!  What are you waiting for? :)

• Frame of mind: the very first step is your brain.  Your thinking is the first baby step towards success.  Whether you think you can or cannot, you are usually right. -Henry Ford
  
  
• Preparation: being scattered to the four winds is not conducive to a smooth operation.  From making a simple peanut butter & jelly sandwich to lifelong goals, it is important to know what you need to get it accomplished.
  
  
• Action: prepare away, but if you don't move, you'll never get anywhere.  Sit at the bus station and watch the world go by, or get up and go. 
 

• Early bird: when my day starts early, I get so much more accomplished!

• Be effective & focus: spend time, it is not a renewable resource.  Make sure time is spent taking the steps you want.


• Trial & error: find out what works best and repeat it. Good things can become habits, too.


• 5 Skills to Master: concentrate, organize, innovate, communicate & choose wisely.
   
• Carpe Diem: Each day is a new opportunity to start again. 

• Happiness: sometimes we have to learn to be happy with nothing at all...find joy in simple and every day moments.  I love simplicity: baking a loaf of homemade bread, watching my husband walk through the door at the end of a day with a smile for me.

• Self-Confidence: even when I feel doubtful, I know I'm the only one with the power to change and be the person I want to be.  Fake it 'til you make it...my current situation with my garden.  I have no clue when to plant what.  But I did it, and I am learning.  Slow confidence is the sturdiest.

• "A" for Effort: make small efforts every day, they will add up.  Promise.  Just try, try, try again.  Get up, go, rinse, repeat!

• Hope: when you have hope, you have optimism.  Positive thinking will yield results, period.

• Come as you are: just begin where you're at.  Waiting for a sign?  If you don't travel, you'll never see one.

• Ask:  don't ever stop learning.  Always ask why.  Why not? Why not me?  Why not now?

• Do your best.  Forget the rest.

Valentine's Day

The world is overwhelmed with the sap of love, the cynicism of broken hearts, and the marketing expertise of Hallmark and florists.  I am blessed, having been with my husband for 13 years.  It has not always been an easy road - nothing worthwhile is ever easy, remember?  I have learned a lot, especially in the last 12 months of my life.  The summary of my lesson is this:

Be kind to yourself, love is all around, but most importantly, within. When we love ourselves, truly, we are free to become the person we were intended to be. If all else fails, there is nothing better than being alone with a furry four legged friend. Theirs is unconditional love...one that cannot be replicated. 

May your day be full of love, beginning with yourself.  Once we learn to love ourselves unconditionally,  and accept our imperfections we must strive to improve our own life.  It is then that we become available to love the world without condition.  Love and happiness are synonymous, but their seeds must first be planted in our own hearts.
 
-Breanne Elizabeth

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa

Photo credit: ME! :) Taken in 10/08, Wears Valley, Tennessee.

Simple as that

Explore the power you have to change your world.  Lose the word impossible in your vocabulary.  Understand that the "impossible" just takes longer to achieve.

Simple as that.

Awesome-day

Wednesdays are affectionately known as "awesomeday" around here. I can't take credit, a friend of a friend started by listing things that were "awesome" during the day. Well, awesome!! I'm usually motivated, full of energy, optimistic and ready to move it. But I'm not feeling it today, ya'll. Today started out well enough, up at 6:30 to change the water for the chickens, refill their food, and pick some fresh greens for their morning treat. Give old man J.D. dog his food and insulin, kiss the cat and pet the husband...or maybe it's pet the cat and kiss the husband. *wink* Coffee by seven as I sat down to write and my mind just fuzzed. I gazed out the window and lost time.

I guess I can't be on it every day. Even the Energizer Bunny needs a fresh set of batteries now and again. Sometimes the body, mind and spirit are not in alignment and our emotions rub raw. Okay. Acknowledge how I'm feeling. I think my super saving sale on chicken, pork and beef yesterday made me so excited that I'm drained today. I saved anywhere from 50-75% by purchasing in bulk with my parents and sister. We all now have a freezer full of goodies that my dad and I repacked by hand for several hours. I even learned how to cut my own chicken and NY strip steaks. Learning and saving. LOVE it!!

So my mind wandered yet again while typing this...I chide myself nicely to get moving! I look at my to-do list and know it won't finish itself. On days where I just can't get it into gear, I just pick a point and start. The rest will come. Okay, laziness acknowledged. Time to refresh and move. Meanwhile, I mentally list my awesomes so far today:

Awesome #1: waking up.
Awesome #2: waking up and taking care of chickens that provide fresh eggs.
Awesome # 3: being loved. Messages from my bestest 1100 miles away, a smiley text from my husband that reminds me how much he loves me. A text from my aunt with a great quote and love from Indiana.
Awesome #4: great friends and family. I have the most amazing people in my life!!!
Awesome #5: accepting that I didn't wake up ready to conquer the world and just quietly move forward into the day.
Awesome #6: being able to sit with my coffee, reading my motivational pages, and writing my blog.
Awesome #7: going out and attempting to conquer my day!

It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things. - Leonardo da Vinci

No acreage required.

I overslept, spent too long in the shower, but still made Shakeology and sent it with the hubby as he left for work.  And so I started my day.  Charlie Rojo, the insolent but handsome rooster is back with his ladies fair for the morning...he gets to sleep in the garage as he crows, non-stop, starting every morning about 4:02 am.  My sassy rescued rooster and I don't see eye to eye on this, but to avoid the soup pot, I grab him each morning and in he goes.  That is to the garage, not the soup pot.  I'm about to head out to watch a lovely chorus group of kitties for a good friend, then it's off to the market.  A new place that is locally owned has some amazing deals on meat each week. 

I have a feeling I'll be off in search of a small chest freezer soon after discovering this new store and the anticipated abundance from my garden.  I planted and transplanted for six hours yesterday.  In addition to our epic tomato plants, I added a few heirloom lettuces, arugula, and then millet for the chickens.  I transplanted garlic chives, am attempting coriander, two varieties of basil, some dwarf french beans (also heirloom) and a "surprise" patch.  I'm SO curious to see what the goodies will be...it was a seed packet meant for kids.  I doubt they meant for a 32 year-old kid at heart to be curious and try it for herself.

With the assistance of my amazing mom, forty-three tomato seedlings were lovingly placed into biodegradable dixie cups with hopes of finding someone who loves heirlooms as much as we do.  Seventeen volunteer sunflowers were placed around my gardens, as were several butterfly "weed" plants.  A monarch fluttered about the patch of those lovely plants in the main veggie garden, presumably laying her eggs on the protective underside of the leaves.  There's just something about butterflies that evokes a peaceful feeling.

At the end of the afternoon, I stood and marveled at the idea of raising my own food on such a small plot of land.  Strawberries are coming on, and more plants will arrive from my neighbor soon - he promises the plants somehow withstand the heat here.  Add fresh eggs from my four hens, veggies from the garden, figs from the tree my mom started from a cut of her own tree, I have the beginning of sustainability.  All on my double lot...no acreage required.

Commitment.

Merriam Webster defines commitment as following:
a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date  

b : something pledged

c : the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a commitment to a cause>.

Dedication, allegiance, attachment, constancy, devotion.  But what does commitment really MEAN?  Instantly, I think marriage is a huge commitment, definitely no easy task, but absolutely worth every single effort. I value the belief that we are there to help each other grow into the person that we aspire to be, no matter what happens.  No relationship is easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy!  With dedication, communication, and understanding it makes for a much healthier relationship than if we merely exist and occupy the same space.

Often times in a flourishing relationship we sacrifice to accomplish what must be done with the understanding that it brings us closer to what we want.  Sacrifice then comes to be equated to our goals but must be approached with positive intentions, otherwise we feel burdened and grumpy.  Which means good intentions must translate into actions, otherwise they fail without personal accountability, appreciation and understanding.  It is far too simple to make excuses and make ourselves feel better if a large share of blame for a problem is not our fault.  So if health is our greatest wealth, why do we continually make excuses and take it for granted in any aspect at all?

Health can relate to so many things in life: relationships with others and ourselves, the environment, our own physical well-being.  How is it that toxic friends and foods are so often forerunners in our lives?  Is it less demanding if we just keep the blinders on and just float through it?  It puzzles me that we can get swept up into routines and just go along with the status quo when it clearly isn't healthy.  If we can commit, really stick with ideals and be proactive, we renew purpose within ourselves.  Choices are made every day that affect everything in life.  I believe each moment should count. 

My special moments are simple: making coffee with a smile for my husband and being grateful for a simple shared moment.  Choosing to recycle bottles and cans, composting in the garden or giving left-over bread or greens to the chickens knowing it has purpose.  Pushing play on my work-out when I would rather be lazy with a book or feel tired as I realize my health matters not only to myself, but my family.  I understand that great things are achieved by diligence and know there are no shortcuts.  

I see a short-cut as being a u-turn back to where I started, and that's not growing!  I have a clear picture of my journey, of who I want to become: a healthy, happy, creative woman who is the fittest person I can be, both personally and environmentally.  I want to live with a small footprint; to raise my own chickens, grow fresh vegetables and rely less on supermarkets for my food.  I am now considering citrus and peaches in addition to my fig tree.  I am only one person, but by committing to make a difference in myself I know it will translate to everyone I interact with.  Whether I inspire one person or a thousand, I have made a difference. 

Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision, and gives us the "right stuff" to turn our dreams into reality.  -James Womack

Nothing worthwhile is easy.

Meditating while the world crashes about is about impossible.  J.D. dog paces on wood floors and whines, Charlie Rojo (pronounced ro-ho) the rooster crows non-stop, dogs bark across the canal, some insane bird shrieks on the other side of the house.  I struggled, to say the least.  My mind wanders like an autumn leaf caught on a breeze.  My sister and I both joke that we are like squirrels who spy something shiny and get distracted quite easily.  Sadly it is so true!  My brain just doesn't seem to quiet down, the circles and tangents it takes is amazing to me and amusing to those in my life. 

After an attempt and not so successful result with meditation, I revisited my "how to" notes.

• Quiet please!  (This is where my challenge was today).  Find somewhere that you can sit in silence for 15 minutes.  And sit without slouching.
• Breathe slowly and deeply - inhale from the nose and exhale through the mouth..8 counts in, 10 counts out to start.  
• Be aware.  Focus attention on breathing.  When your mind wanders gently refocus on your breathing again.  If nothing else, I got some good breathing in.
• End the session.  Open your eyes, stand up and stretch.

Assessment: invest in some ear plugs and try again!  All kidding aside, it is important to have time to clear your mind to bring focus and clarity for the day.  My attempt at visualizing favorite place was successful at least.  I pictured myself sitting outside of a cabin in the Tennessee mountains on the porch swing.  Imagined the smell of damp leaves in the fall.  Silence surrounding except the crisp autumn wind whispering through the trees.  I find visualizing, really putting myself somewhere peaceful helps me to just be, to breathe.  Try hard to remember to take time for yourself.  Time to relax, just be, just breathe.

Purpose

Ask yourself: where am I right now? Is this where I am meant to be? Do I want to be here? If your answer is no, change something. If your answer is yes, continue what you're doing! So often we live life automatically, and lose our sense of direction. Without purpose, we are likely to drift according to random feelings or urges and often become apathetic because we lack control of our own lives. You must come to your purpose by your own road. When you are ready, you will know the answer of what you want. The question becomes, "how do I get to where I want to be?"

A sense of purpose simplifies life and therefore concentrates our abilities; and concentration adds power.

-Kenneth Hildebrand

I love setting goals, and then reassessing where I am, because I keep my focus. I adore every aspect of my life! I can answer truthfully that I am where I want to be, and I am continuing towards the dreams that I have mapped out. It took me a while to get to this point in my life. One reason for my delay was fear. I was afraid to state my target because I might miss it. I avoided failure by not having a purpose. And I hated myself for it. Apathy, self-loathing and trying to fit into someone's else definition of myself was a recipe for disaster. I finally realized what I truly wanted, and I ran for it.

Success demands singleness of purpose. -Vince Lombardi

There are many benefits to living with purpose: personal growth, a feeling of peace, happiness, a sense of power over our life's direction. With purpose there is value, self-esteem and a sense of meaning. As I grow, I find that I am a much stronger person than I ever thought I could be. But it is not without effort. Work, pain, and sweat are the beginning of greatness. Do not spend your time; use it. Make the effort to make a difference.  Starting with yourself.

You got to move it!

I'm ready for an awesome February! Absolutely motivated with a fitness challenge and definitely ready for clean eating after a few days of illness. I'm thinking about doing a Shakeology cleanse just to jump start my immune system. I missed my P90x yesterday, and am a bit wary of it today as I'm not 100% recovered. All I can do is my best - and forget the rest!

Physical: my first goal for the month is to plan my meals. I am the worst ever when it comes to planning anything earlier than the morning of. I keep healthy options in the house, but I know it would be an improvement if I could have at least a week at a time scheduled. I am going exercise 6 days a week for a minimum of an hour, which is pretty easy following P90x. I still need to drink more water, but I'm also researching a recovery drink because my workouts are more intensive.

Mental: I will read ten pages of positivity per day, continue to write my blog and refine my goal list. I'm also pushing myself to meditate, something that is not easy for someone with the attention span of a squirrel who spies something shiny. Speaking of exciting and distracting...time to push play for the day. P90x Core today! I hope your month kicks off with a plan, great motivation and good health!

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. -Buddha